Most people who want to be in a relationship desire it to be a happy one, mutually respectful, loving, and supportive. When both partners are reasonably emotionally balanced and committed to each other, this ideal can be made a reality. However, there are situations where one or both partners have destructive personal issues and/or attempt to control, manipulate, and demean their partner, and these unbalanced scenarios can make the relationship very toxic. Here are 3 scenarios in which the damage and destruction are so great that the relationship is truly a toxic one. Here are 3 signs of a toxic relationship:
1. Addictions are rampant in the relationship. If a partner is dependent on drugs and alcohol, chances are most of his or her mental energy and preoccupation is going to be with scoring the next high or having another drink. It is very tempting to be drawn into the world of managing your partner's crises - often at the expense of your own needs. In addition, your partner's using might lead to problems with jobs, criminal behavior (DUI's, etc) that could impact your life.
2. Your partner is abusive toward you in any way, physically or emotionally. Physical abuse is very serious and often escalates. If this is happening to you, please contact a counselor or shelter that deals with domestic violence to get some help. Emotional abuse is likewise very serious. It may not leave physical scars, but it can be terribly damaging to self esteem over time and lead to depression. And, emotional abuse is sometimes the lead in for physical escalation.
3. Infidelity occurs, and it is not an isolated incident, but a pattern of behavior. An affair doesn't always spell instant doom for a couple. If both partners are sincerely dedicated to doing the repair work, improving communication, and increasing accountability. The affair may actually have the effect of making the bond between partners stronger. However, if the infidelity continues, this is a very toxic scenario. Emotionally it is devastating to be betrayed over and over, and no real relationship can be built where there is no trust. It is even a physical risk to your health to stay with someone who is unfaithful and possibly exposing you to sexually transmitted disease.
By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?
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"Everything would have been fine if we lived in the same town/state/country," is the common reason many men and women give for a long distance relationship not working out.
Admitted, distance can put an enormous strain on a relationship, but claiming that "distance" is the only reason a relationship didn't work out or can not work is putting your hands over your ears and shouting, "la-la-la-la-la-la- land" because the truth is too much to handle.
I've met many men and women who won't even try long distance relationships because according to them "Long distance relationships just don't work".
That simply isn't true! Long distance relationships CAN and DO work if the two individuals involved want it to. In my opinion, the question is not "Do long distance relationships work?" but rather "Do both of you want to make it work?" If you both want to make it work, distance is just another obstacle that two people who truly love each other can easily overcome -- if they really want to.
These simple to follow tips will help your long distance relationship not only survive distance, they'll also help you lay a strong foundation for a relationship that is fun, fulfilling and successful!
If you are looking for new relationship advice, you must first understand the nature of a new relationship. The problem is, there is a beginning period of getting to know people that masks who people really are. A famous comedian calls this mask "your representative". This is the person that you pretend to be, and the person the person you are interested in pretends to be, in order to impress each other.
When you meet somebody new and you like them, you want them to like you too. And if you feel some sort of connection together, well that's when the games begin. You put on this fake persona that is way more funny, interesting, intelligent, caring (or whatever) than you really are. If you are a man and you are really physically attracted to a woman, you may try to be super intriguing or pretend to be ultra sensitive so you can achieve your goal of getting her in bed. If you are a woman and you are really attracted to a man that is filthy rich, you may pretend to be more interested in his life, work, kids, or lifestyle than you really are so you can achieve your ultimate goal of having him spend some of those riches on you. There are many different ways you could be acting like someone other than your normal self, just for the sake of establishing a new relationship.
But what happens when you "get the girl" or "get the guy" and really get caught up with one another? What happens a few years down the road when you grow tired of pretending this person is so great? You both stick together and end up miserable, or you break up. That's what happens. So save yourself some time and some stress. Don't waste time trying to be with a person for the wrong reasons because they are cute or rich when you could be establishing a new relationship of substance that will be lasting and that will make you happy the whole time.
When you get into a new relationship with the wrong person, you close the door of opportunity that should be open for the right person to come into your life. Take my advice. Ask yourself why you want to be involved with a new person. If the reasons are simple and shallow, keep the relationship simple and shallow and do not take it any further. If the reasons are meaningful and deep, the relationship will be meaningful with depth. And above all, make sure the person you are interested in knows where you are coming from and find out what they are looking for. If you are truthful with yourself and honest with the other person, you can avoid a lot of problems.
© 2009 Monte Jamison
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